Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
