remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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