Umm I'm too high to move.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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