You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
