I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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