i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
