Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
