I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
