There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
