is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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