you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
