In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
