At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
