Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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