I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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