youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..