The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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