it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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