i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
