he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
