my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
