Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
