I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
