and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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