I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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