i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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