I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
