So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
