did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
