i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is it because I queefed?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
