please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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