I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
