if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
