it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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