On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
