I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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