Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
