I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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