I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
