Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
