At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
