What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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