Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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