Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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