It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
