he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
