so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
