awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
