There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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