just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
