I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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