I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
