I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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