I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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