We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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