We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
