I puked a lego.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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