At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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