This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
