Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
