I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The air was thick with penises
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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