My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
