Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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