I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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