i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
