I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She told me I should be a condom model.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
