After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
