how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
