We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
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good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
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Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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