he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
