dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
